Do you see it? I’ve seen it. 

The helplessness is like standing over the barely breathing form of a loved one, slowly slipping away. It’s the ache of staring at the no longer stirring forms after they’ve gone. Except I’ve done it. I’ve skipped into the room of my beloved, and twirled on my heel as I pulled the pillow from underneath their head and pushed it down over their face.
10:12:00 PM
For years, I’ve been saying that I’m a sinner. But I don’t think people have really believed me. When I say that, I’m not giving you a half-smile and a wink. It's not a necessary pretense. No, I need the new nature that Christ has given me, the Holy Spirit forming me into his image. I need the resurrection work of God, because I am just as apt to fall to temptation as anyone else. 

And I often do.

To be clear, I want to please God. I want to love more. I want to forgive more. I want to think more of you than I do of myself. But you could find out my secrets tomorrow. Not the socially acceptable stuff, either. My closet of skeletons could break open under the weight of my sin and spill out for all to see. And, if that happens (and it could happen to any of us) I want to remind you that I told you so.

I don’t say that as some kind of excuse. I’m ashamed of my mistakes. I say it because I’m irrelevant. 

I don’t tell you God loves me because I’m hiding something. I don’t tell you God loves me as an excuse to hide my sin. I tell you God loves me in spite of knowing the depths of my sin. Because I know it’s true. Because, without the truth that while we were still dead in our sin, Jesus died for us, I’d either be trying to convince myself that I’m not as in need of forgiveness as I am or a cowering, devastated mess. I tell you because God loves you too.

In spite of ourselves, we’re loved. Imperfect messengers are all there are, and imperfect messengers don’t lessen the truth of the message. Not when the message is that we are weak, imperfect messengers loved by a kind, gracious God.
6:12:00 PM
I stopped my thoughts before they escaped into words, checking their pockets for hidden slights or contraband foolishness. I might not even say them at all... Just to be safe. There was too much chance they might offend. And who knows what would happen to the eternal soul of some poor listener if I unwittingly ruined the Good News of God with some imperfect pronunciation?

My actions went through the same rigor. I scrupulously weighed them in light of how they might affect my witness to God. I had come to believe that I was the only bible some people would ever read, and that weight was enormous. In my mind, how well I seemed to keep the imperatives of the bible (and those inferred and tacked on by various other Christians for good measure) was indicative of how many people I could lead to Jesus. 

I wish someone had told me that my goodness wasn’t the Good News. 

4:05:00 PM
If I didn’t know God; if I were among those who hadn’t tasted the Bread of Life and so knew the upside-down wonderfully crazy love of Jesus, I know I wouldn’t want to be a part of this religion. I see it just like everyone else—the hate and anger, the self-righteousness and illogically applied beliefs that counter what the bible actually says. I don’t see the Jesus I know in that stuff. I don’t experience the warmth of the fire that would draw me in from the cold, cold loneliness of the world.

So, it’s not surprising that a new Pew Report showed that people identifying as Christians is in decline. 

5:07:00 AM
Growing up, my view of Christianity was kind of outwardly focused. I would say that I, at least partially, defined who and what I was by how others acted. If someone cursed, did drugs, slept around or got divorced I pursed my lips and thanked God I wasn’t like them. I wanted to save people from their crappy lifestyles, not to reconcile them to Love himself. 

5:39:00 PM
While I can receive ninety and nine compliments, it’s the one complaint that I ruminate on and chase after. When I’m lying in bed, sleep eluding me, it’s not the memories of love, admiration or the friendship of others that float into my head. It’s the mistakes and moments of shame I’m bust conjuring like angry spirits. The worst-case scenario sticks to us like velcro, and our tendency to believe the worst affects everything, even how we believe.

5:37:00 PM
There are those who have never been hurt by religion. Yes, I know that's hard to believe for some of us, but I've found it to be true. I'm very glad for those people and that they haven't been through the pain it takes to fully comprehend what I'm talking about when I say that Christians can be manipulative and deeply hurtful, or that some of them have significantly damaged the hearts of thousands upon thousands of people. 

I've certainly had great experiences with Christians and even churches, don't get me wrong. And while it's a dangerous thing to let yourself become bitter (been there, done that, got the festering ball of hate where my heart used to be) there's nothing wrong with talking about your experiences. In fact, I'd say we are more bereft without your stories.

5:24:00 PM
While I’ve chosen not to practice counseling for the time being I still have all that training and even some real-world practice under my belt. So people know that and, frankly, they will occasionally get a little weird around me. I think that's because people are scared of being found out and judged. 

The same sort of thing happened when I was a pastor. You sometimes got the feeling that people were not altogether comfortable being around a religious professional (whatever that means).
My point is that we’re all, religious or not, kind of scared of being found out and/or judged. But  that's fairly rare on the counselor side. It wasn’t rare at all as a pastor. In fact, judgment seemed to be the primary expectation of religious people from others.

I did my best to disabuse people of that idea (which didn’t always sit well with the more starchy pants-wearing church members). But it’s a surprising thing to watch what happens when you treat people who are used to being judged and dismissed as if they matter just as much as Charlie Churchmember (sounds Dutch) who shows up every Sunday.

Because, you know, they are just as important. 

11:12:00 PM


Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was. Jesus' response, recorded in Matthew 22:37-39, was, “'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your heart, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” Here, Jesus is saying what the entire rest of the bible says over and over--and we somehow miss--to do what God wants is to live a life of love.

Maybe because it’s second we think it’s not important, but we don’t do all that great a job of loving our neighbors as ourselves. 
6:49:00 PM
We talk a whole lot about the Faith. 7 out of 10 people have a blog and 6 of them have a book coming out. And I'm glad there's so much truth being taught out there (Because there's also a lot of crap). But it's often just chunks of the whole. One person talks a lot about this chunk of theology and another is hung up on the other. But we might never get a framework by which to accept or reject someone's assertions.

3:45:00 PM
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