You're Pathetic... And That's Okay.



Being sad and vulnerable is generally seen as a negative thing. So much so that me offering to disagree with that assessment is probably looked at askance. I think that’s largely because we have no idea how to comfort people, so we try to bully them out of their pathos: “You look so pathetic.” “It can't be that bad.” “You don't need Prozac. You just need Jesus!” So, on top of already feeling like crap, because of being made to feel wrong for feeling like crap, we also experience a nebulous guilt about feeling like crap. But, I offer the hope that, perhaps, being pathetic isn’t such a bad thing after all.

I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not, but one does not decide to be pathetic. We are miserable and defenseless, and this causes others to pity us. Great news, you say. (And your sarcasm stings, I might add.) But, that’s a huge difference, and one worth exploring.

OUR PAIN IS HUMAN

We’re all pathetic from time-to-time. In fact, I’ve spent huge chunks of my life being pathetic. And I did not believe that it was an okay place to be. But it is. Like a baby’s crying draws us to the needy child, our state of being pitiable draws others in to show us love and compassion.

Instead, what we usually get is a bunch of what I described above—judgment, well-meaning pabulum, and bullying. But, here’s the thing—the truth is that it’s okay to be there. It’s completely copacetic to be in a place of weakness and need. In fact, that might be exactly where you need to be. But even if it’s not—if it’s just the result of living in a fallen, mean world—you are still loved.

That truth will set you free.

It might not take away whatever the brokenness is, but it can take away the guilt for simply existing in our natural, fallen state from time-to-time. Because we are frail, broken vessels by nature. The sweet irony of our holding the most expensive treasure in existence does not make us less vulnerable. It makes us set-apart, it makes us valued, but no less human. No matter what others tell us.

OUR PAIN IS TRUTH

Our pain makes others uncomfortable. We wear masks because We have no desire to see each others pain. Because it reminds us that our happiness is fragile. It reminds us of pain, and lost loved ones, and a hole in the ground with our name above it, etched in stone. It reminds us that all the sex and all the handbags in the world won’t satisfy our emptiness.

So, even your pain—lived out in direct violation of social mores—is a witness to the existence of a loving God.

OUR PAIN IS AN OPEN DOOR

I’m not glorifying pain, or depression. They’re wretched things that I wish on no one. But they are a fact of life, and not just to a few of us. So, how dare we dissuade an aching soul of the idea that God does not love them in their lowest moments? To think so is to reveal your need to be reminded that God is also with us in the height of our self-righteousness.

To be pitied, in its purest form, is to be a grace attractant. Our dull eyes and sagging hearts are flashing signs to those around us that we need the grace of God in our lives. The faithlessness, the anger at ourselves for screwing up yet again, the depression and self-doubt (not to mention God-doubt) is a an open door to those with eyes to see that we are in need. So, to be pitied is the chance to be loved in a time when we are desperately unaware of how loved we in fact are. In that way, to be pathetic is to be blessed.

Even in the most hurtful places, God will not allow us to be alone. He uses our brokenness, a result of the fall itself, to bring glory to Himself and peace to those who need it.

Are you pathetic? Filled with that which pertains to pain? You are not less than. You are not judged. You are in possession of full knowledge of your condition as a fallen human being, and in the best position to fully see the wonder of the Gospel. God is pursuing you. Even as you refuse to see the very Gospel, Jesus whispers it softly over you.


The pug photo used under CC is credited to Audrey

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